he wants to bone in the snuggie
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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