4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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