haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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