I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
