I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
