big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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