Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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