I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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