You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize