I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
