sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
