I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
