i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
