It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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