Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
