i think i scared a bird with my dick
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
