theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
