I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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