I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
this boner is exhausting
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize