The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
