I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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