Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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