well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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