Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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