I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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