i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just want to make out with him forever
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
