I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
