The best revenge is premature balding
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
