You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Oh god it's open bar.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
