Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
