Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
