Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize