what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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