you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
