p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
