I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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