Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
