I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
