I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
