I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
