My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
