1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
