I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize