It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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