im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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