I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
