I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
