what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
