When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize