I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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