Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wish I only lived at night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
