I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
