Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
