Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
