dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
