I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
