So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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