i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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