please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
