Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
