just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
