I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
