R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
