dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
