I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
