There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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