I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
