Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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