So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
