But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
