So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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