Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
